WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The spending cuts mandated by the sequester may hamper the United States’s ability to invade countries for absolutely no reason, a Pentagon spokesman warned today. The Pentagon made this gloomy assessment amid widespread fears that the nation’s ability to wage totally optional wars based on bogus pretexts may be in peril. “Historically, […]
The drums are all beat, declaring defeat, before the army might have won. And those who embark to live in the dark see shadows where there are none. Light begets light, and a pale truth of right shall always be what remains;Yet dismal masses in fear always are near And force the righteous gleam to wain. […]
There perhaps is no more apt analogy for our current financial crisis than the USS Titanic. Mr Ismay with his fateful line “when can we get underway, dammit!” embodies current American sentiments like “we can’t let this crisis slow us down,” “how can we fix this?” and “the USA’s banking system is just too robust […]
